Sunday, July 24, 2011

Volvo S60: It's Not From Certain Places

Look, Volvo understands one thing: you're sick of cars that smell like sauerkraut and Godzilla. I mean, seriously, every time you buy a car from Germany, someone at the factory has tried to shove a Scorpions cassette into the CD player and there's a Black Forest ham chilling in a baby's car seat in the back. I don't want that in a car and unless that tape has "Winds of Change" on it, I don't even want it in my house. Cars from Japan? Don't even get me started.

Did someone tell you that this car was from Germany or Japan? Who was it? Hans? Toshiro? You know, I'm sick of these people who go around saying cars are from Germany or Japan, when they clearly aren't. Who the hell even brought it up? This car isn't from Germany or's not even an issue, really...let's just drop it.


I just want to make sure that it's clear that this car isn't from the following places:
1. Germany
2. Japan

It's not from either of those. Why would you want a car from those countries? Yeah, sure, they're automobile producing powerhouses. But don't you want to keep your money closer to home? When you buy a car from a foreign country (let's say, for example, just two countries off the top of my head...Germany or...Japan) it's like having a house or apartment and then going to a hotel to sleep. Support your country and buy this car from...

Oh, Scandinavia. That's, like, three countries. None of which are America. At least, I don't think so, I don't have an atlas handy.

Right, uh...

Did we mention it's not from Germany or Japan?

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