Friday, July 29, 2011

Vagisil: The Worst Places For Your Vagina to Itch (Aside From Your Vagina)

Let's be adults about this: sometimes our genitals itch. Now if you're a man, you can just use your fingers to scratch and everything's fine. You can do it discreetly through your pockets or use one ball to scratch another. Ladies are different. They need, I don't know...pineapples or a rough mitten to deal with such things. Since it's hard to subtly scratch your bathing suit area with the bottom of an egg carton, Science has invented various creams to solve the problem. Again, that's okay, it's life.

What I have a PROBLEM with is that this commercial tries to tell us that the worst time for your magic genital potion to fail is right before your wedding. Not even DURING the wedding, but before when you can reapply your creams. There are a ton of worse places for your vagina itch solution to fail:
  • While holding two babies
  • While performing surgery
  • In outer space
  • While finger painting
  • Juggling anything sharp or on fire
  • Boxing match (foxy or standard)
  • When you're disarming a bomb
  • While you barely holding onto the edge of a cliff
  • Folding a flag while the president is watching
  • If you're handcuffed to a prison inmate
  • When your hands are turning into claws because you're a werewolf
  • During a ventriloquist competition that is important not only to you, but to your recently deceased grandfather whose dream it was to win this particular competition
  • When you've finally made a breakthrough with the unruly deaf, blind and mute girl you've been hired to teach sign language
  • During a divorce hearing where your partner has claimed that your chronically itchy vagina has run the marriage into a shambles
  • Yo-yo trick demonstration that will make or break your career as a professional yo-yo trick demonstrator
  • While drunk driving
  • On your death bed
  • In the final round of the Miss Least Itchy Vagina pageant
And while Vagisil is clearly wrong about the worst time for feminine hygeine products to fail, I think they are right about one thing. Now, I'm not a woman, I don't have a vagina, but I am convinced that having an itchy one must totally make you feel like a homeless person:

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