Friday, July 22, 2011

Samsung Smart TV: Meet the Douchebags!

Commercials love to try to tell stories. The problem is that they're bad at it. Now, the short length of advertisements means that you can't really develop characters or situations, so you end up with a mess.

Let's look at this ad. It starts simply, there's this couple and they're having Problems, see that distance on the couch? That's not just a physical distance, folks. He grabs the remote and we start seeing the magic of Samsung Smart TV. You can use it to call up relevant movies (well movie titles, in the case of Despicable Me, unless this couple is having issues involving super-villainy or adoption) as a replacement for communication! It can also be used to play music and we begin to learn how serious this problem is. When the music of Chicago can't fix a problem you know it's bad and I, personally, begin to question the entire concept of love itself.

So far, this commercial is doing a decent job of showing us what the product does and its biggest crime is just being bland. Then, in the last 12 seconds everything goes off the fucking rails. She gets on Facebook and announces she's single. He counters by calling up their wedding video and everything is peachy. Samsung Smart TV has saved the day.

Wait...they're married? So, this man has done something awful, something so unforgivable she's willing to announce to the world that this union is ending. My guess is adultery, that seems the most likely trangsression. I mean, from there the possible problems get stranger: gambling addiction, bigamy, murder, drug manufacturing, bizarre sexual appetites, super villainy (oh my god, the pieces are coming together, it's like LOST...which you can watch on a television!). There is no way to know what he's done, but it can't be something minor. If it is, then this marriage must be a hellscape of crazy. Let's imagine another commercial featuring this couple:

The Douchebags vs. Eggs vs. Samsung Smart TV

(enters house with grocery bags)
Oh, darn.

What's the matter?

I forgot to get eggs
This marriage IS OVER!
(rushes into the living room, calls up a picture of an egg on their Samsung Smart TV)
Honey, come in here.

(enters living room)


What's equally disconcerting is that this TV hasn't solved whatever the problem is, it merely distracts from it. Whatever grievous sin this man has committed is still there, he's still a bad person and she's still trapped in this marriage.

Maybe whatever happened wasn't so bad. She's just being moody and as a joke tells her friends and family that a separation is imminent. What a dumb joke. Not only is it annoying behavior, but now both of them are  going to get asked a ton of questions along the lines of, "What's going on" and "Seriously, is everything okay?" How about growing the fuck up, lady?

No matter what the situation is, this commercial paints a picture of two extremely unlikable people. Commercials are meant to put the viewer in the place of the characters. Now, I am an extremely unlikable person, but I don't want to be reminded of it. Furthermore, this TV isn't doing anything  that can't be done by, say, a computer or a current generation game console. Except saving marriages, though the way it saves them can just as easily be gained through bottling up emotions and unbottling vast quantities of alcohol.

That couch does look nice though. It must be comfortable if both of them are sitting there despite being angry at one another. Maybe Samsung should start selling couches.

Samsung Couch Couch: It's for Asses!

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